I start a new job tomorrow. But more than that, I start a new life tomorrow. And I've realized it's not by accident that I'm starting almost a year to the day of the one year anniversary of Kevin's first heart attack. I remember it so clearly. I was late getting home on July 21 of last year and I picked up sandwiches before I got there, walking in the door around 7:30 or so. A short while after we ate, Kevin said he didn't feel right. And by 8:30 we were at the Huntington Hospital emergency room.
I play back the days that followed over and over again - his open heart surgery on July 23, that next horrific day as he battled a fever that went as high as 106 degrees (he was unconcious and remembered nothing but it was so awful to see; a staph infection we later learned), his coming home on July 30 -- and his fatal heart attack August 2. Official time of death was 5:57 p.m. - but he died earlier than that - in our bed, watching Married...with Children, with Tilly watching him.
Sometimes I'm just baffled at I can go on without him but I somehow find a way. My new job is tied into finding a new way somehow and I'm going to see where this road takes me. I just wish he were here.
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